Jan 30, 2020
First, understand why you yell.
You want to feel significant, or respected.
Yelling gives you that because it makes the other person pay attention to you immediately.
So why not get that feeling of significance in a more positive way.
If you yell at your spouse to feel heard, how about engaging them in a deep conversation instead?
One that will lead to both you being 100% heard out.
Second, think of your emotional bank account.
I love this metaphor by Stephen Covey.
You have this bank account with all people in your circle.
Whenever you do something positive for them, you make a deposit.
When you do something negative, including yelling, you make a withdrawal.
If you yell too much, you’ll deplete the account quickly.
This often means irreparable damage to the relationship.
Third, think about how unproductive yelling is.
Instead of resolving a problem, yelling only exacerbates it.
You focus not on the problem but on what’s wrong with the other person.
You remember your resentments from the past, triggering a negative state where problem solving is impossible.
Fourth, yelling causes stress.
By yelling, you make your loved ones suffer.
You hurt them, often hurting them in a way they’ll never forget.
And what’s worse, this stress creates a pathway for disease in their bodies.
According to CDC, 90% of all disease is stress-induced.
Dig this: yelling equals stress and stress equals disease.
That said, use the pain and pleasure principle to stop yelling.
Think of ways to punish yourself for yelling.
For example, you might bake a cake and deliver it to a food shelter, even it means staying up for three hours into the night.
And also think of ways to reward yourself for not yelling.
For example, buy something that you always wanted.
By doing this, you’ll rewire how you feel about yelling.
The next time you feel like yelling, you’ll go, “No way am I doing this because yelling is pain while not yelling is joy.”
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COMPANION BLOG POST:
https://romanmironov.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-yelling/
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HELP AND LINKS:
If you need relationship advice, I’m here to help. I’m a relationship coach in Toronto: book a free coaching session with me through https://romanmironov.com/
Never Chase a Woman? (I Didn’t… and Lost Her) (relationship advice video): https://romanmironov.com/blog/never-chase-a-woman/
Law of Attraction Success Stories – Martin Eden and Maria | Podcast Ep. #24 (self-help podcast): https://romanmironov.com/blog/law-of-attraction-success-stories/
The Power of Neuro-Associative Conditioning (personal development article): https://romanmironov.com/blog/neuro-associative-conditioning/
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ABOUT ME:
I am a Robbins-Madanes-certified Strategic Interventionist, helping clients strengthen their relationships.
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OTHER LINKS:
Tony Robbins: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/
Stephen Covey: https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits.html
Dave Turpen: http://dtlifecoach.com/
Karina Grant: https://www.karinagrant.co.uk/
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